I have been spending many years getting my writing together and working on the publishing of my book of poems and free rights since 1992.
I have kept a journal close to me- about all my special memories and happy times, and I wrote about the feelings explained while experiencing or afterwards.
Word for Word- describing my pain to help find a cure for PTSD one day or someone who feels comfort from being able to help or relate to the roller coasters.
◦ I have been in counseling since 17 years old with many psychiatrists and psychologists and studies by many doctors on trauma and with a group of new doctors at UCSD regarding brain damage and trauma feelings. It was about CPTSD specifically.
◦ I have seen many doctors since I was 16 years old for scares of health and cancer found later thank you Kaiser Permanente and Ibwish we were still together. Soon Inwill have my Realtor Care and I’ll definitely visit to say my thank you 🙏
◦ I’ve seen a witch doctor to help me heal my pain and he cut me open at my heart and pulled out bones and things as an illusion/magic then read my heartbeat with water- he saw I was pregnant and I didn’t know what he meant by 2 circles- 2 heartbeats I learned later and that I was pregnant. I was cured.
I saw my level 2 reiki masters for yet another attuning and to get to level 2/masters next with my 1st daughter in my tummy! I was so happy to tell her that she is also a healer when I learned of her care and concern as well as activism that took up her school time as well.
◦ I pray daily to heal my pain as well as meditate before bedtime and upon waking when possible or in spurts throughout the day.
◦ I write down everything and I create my checklist and get everything done these days. I am finding checklists from many many years ago as I have always been the same exact person, and I have found that I have done almost everything on my lists from before (everything gone now stolen by slim lord on 51st street Memo)
◦ I continue to try to join group therapy, group classes, and Clubhouse meeting, but I am very frustrated as all I am trying to do is get help so I can be OK alone with my children for the next five years, as one of them has become an adult in the two years (years ago!) I have been begging everyone in the county to help me find an assistant or nurse to make sure we can all be safe at home together no matter what. No help no follow up
◦ I will have police officers to help me fill out 30 pages of a report that needs to be turned in to arrest or convict to death the stepfather of mine who has wrecked and ruined my life and possibly others in the meantime (they handed back my other mandatory files and reports 15 of them with laughter in El Cajon as my duty as an agent asks me to present for reporting)
◦ I dated a police officer who has now been working for over 25 years in the force and started as a janitor who beat up his moms abuser as he hit her the last time.
I tried to talk and share reporting with many for several years and even he has failed to help me as I gave him the worst attitude when I left, and I also quit drinking because I do not prefer to date drunk people after this experience with him. He is medicated and I am not so opposites didn’t attract when I got off my medication but I’m safer now without drugs in my veins and or alcohol pains in my chest from sugar rush.
◦ I dated a captain in the Marines, and he has came back to me for healing. We are good friends, but I am still looking for someone much better so yeah right, as I do not believe in divorce and he has been married before.
◦ I am still a dancer as I have owned my own business when I was 21 years old and learned that I am better working for the business in the meantime. I enjoyed dancing like it is fun, I enjoy the company like I am single…
I am very grateful for my job for the moment, but my dreams are to find a better job with my publishing/pictures/life long work collection, to be able to find the man of my dreams that would not prefer me as an adult entertainer.
Especially if he is my type. I am very serious and I do not like to mess around. Can morph.
◦ I am tired of being happy and smiling for everyone, I am sorry you have to see the truth and honest of my ugly face.
There is nothing pretty about the way I have been treated in this life and the torture I have experienced ever since I was born. I am looking forward to the day that I have my own family or my own future when my children are grown up.
Or in the meantime if they will come home… I believe it is too late and I am not thankful for that. (Thank goodness they didn’t as we had more gas leaks and deaths!!!)
◦ Every day is a struggle for me, but I stay sane and happy with myself. I entertain myself on days and nights alone. I have been alone ever since I left my ex-boyfriend who has skipped charges for breaking my nose and yet to repay me for loss of home and family for it.
Oxygen loss and from gas and my deviated septum as Keith Housman broke my nose with neglectful mother causing my death and eviction with default and added to SSI default and payee ignoring the fact that I fired him in 2019 or 2020 after his drunk drinking comment of, “Ivwould take a drink if I were you!” Done.
Easy.
Help. I do need and expect an apology before I ever would get one so I’m charging per hour till I ask for one in court. I mentioned to the business I charge up to $6k per hour and need it with a written apology or death sentence if we still have those here in my nice state.
Just be glad you have a good partner today! Grab yours! Buddy system on o
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